Written By Kevin Porter
So Halloween is approaching. I thought I’d be seasonal and write a small piece incorporating a symbol of the season.
I find it interesting that in these days of women’s empowerment that there are still women acting so “old-culture” around relationship. I am 100% in favor of this social shift of freedom and empowerment. Culture is strong, however. It is deeply rooted in our beliefs. It’s hard to break free. One of these beliefs is that there is “the One”, the perfect mate, the soulmate that will be given or provided or found.
I still hear this longing spoken by women. They are looking for the One. They long for that perfect partner. The partner that they may have now or their prospective partners all seem lesser. They are someone that must be settled for because the perfect one hasn’t come around yet. The partner becomes a “fixer-upper” or a constant source of simmering resentment that they are not “the One” and that that perfect mate just hasn’t materialized. And so they leave one eye open searching for that other partner that is a TRUE Soulmate. And have disappointment over the one they have or with the available prospects.
But what if you could actually create a “soulmate”, actually make a relationship hot and juicy? Would that be something worth trying?
Dr. Victor Frankenstein is the famous fictional character that created what the surrounding villagers called “the Monster”. I prefer the one from Young Frankenstein. There, the creation was developed into a sensitive, suave, man-about-town. Young Dr. Frankenstein knew how to appeal to the creature and added love to the mix to create a fun and fabulous creature from what others thought was a monster. I am not saying your partner is a monster. I am saying that you can create your own soulmate.
That’s right. For all of you hopeless romantics, all of you unhappy people that have come to believe you will never find “the One”, I have a possible solution. Create your own.
I understand the danger here. People don’t like to be manipulated. I’m not asking you to do this. What I am asking is that you take the time to put your attention on the other and to understand how they work. Would you use a hammer to put in a screw?
You could, but it won’t work very well. You need to understand how a screw works, how the different tools work and use them appropriately. It’s not a matter of manipulation. It’s a matter of understanding, wisdom and proper application of desire and energy.
Here are some tips that will help you create the soulmate you seek.
- Stop doing everything for yourself. I know in this day of empowerment a woman can do just about anything she wants. That’s great. But you don’t have to. In fact, allowing your partner to do something for you creates a bond. And they feel needed. Let them provide for you. And ask for it in a way that doesn’t demand. Open with an expression of gratitude for what they have done in the past or for whom they are. Then make a request. Create a helping provider.
- Stop expecting your partner to magically read your mind. Talk. Express your desire without demanding. Create rapport. As you let go of the notion that your partner should be able to just know what you need you will create a deeper understanding that will grow into the state where it will seem like your partner can read your mind. But it doesn’t just happen. Express your needs. Create that deep understanding that you crave.
- Acknowledge what your partner does for you and gently guide them when you need something more. Your partner thrives and grows when you clearly express your desire and needs. Do it without a put-down. If they don’t succeed at first, don’t punish. Ask again. You: “Could you hold me?” Partner: Tries something. You: “That is nice and could you put your arm around me like this? That feels good!” Create your desire.
- When your partner slays your dragon, like a good Prince Charming will, give back gratitude. Let them feel your appreciation. It’s more than words; it’s actions, body language and praising your partner publicly. It may be hard to do but let your partner know and the world around you know that your partner is your savior. Create your hero.
- Try treating your partner with concern, gratitude and gentle guidance. You will create “the One” you seek.
Kevin Porter is a certified Sex and Relationship Coach through the Erotic Blueprint™ program and is a Certified Somatic Sexologist by the Institute of Somatic Sexology(ISS). He is also certified as an Orgasmic Meditation™ Coach. For the past 5 years he has been introducing couples and singles into fuller and more satisfying erotic lives and experiences through workshops and individual coaching. He can be reached at Heateffectcoaching.com